She has always called me forward.. the faceless feminine. And I am just recognising how this calling of painting the feminine awake in me has been stirring deep inside for a number of years. I came across this drawing I did about 9 years ago, around 2007. I was living and working in New Zealand at that time, I had just got married, and was living in a spiritual community around a realised teacher.
I remember this yearning in me.. for the deepest 'me'... and I would squirrel myself away at night time in our apartment and paint. I had no idea what I was doing. I had some terrible cheap acrylic paints, some dried up old tubes of this and that, and I would just randomly splash colour here and there and generally - just - play. The relief that was there from being a busy, office, tour and retreat organiser in the day, sat at the computer, day in and day out, pretty much working alone AND learning about technology as I went along - Painting was a necessary outlet for me to play and remember that there was more to me than the sense of responsibility I was starting to carry.
I knew I was to paint the feminine back then. And thats when I drew this picture. I did actually paint this too on a large size canvas but I also painted over it so no-one could see it! Of course the reasons for that were mainly rooted around not being good enough, thoughts of not knowing what I was doing, who would want to look at it, Im not an artist, feeling ashamed for even having a go at expressing the inexpressible, after all who I am to paint the Divine Feminine... right!
So even back then.. I see how I was being called into this work, this creative act, this higher creativity, of this awareness of the faceless having a face. The faceless feminine calling to emerge through a woman and live, love, express and create herself anew moment to moment, transforming Herself, transforming Her relationship to life. And how through creativity as a practice of manifesting 'knowingness', I as woman, can get to intimately know who I am, what I am transforming and where I am being called into.
I am full of gratitude for every moment that bought me to be here. To be here - right Now. To re-cognise what has been calling me forward, whispering sweetly in my ear, stirring the pot of self-identification, beckoning me to rise, to embody, to shape, to voice, to PAINT.
In Love and Appreciation for it all...